depression.
what is this feeling?
why is it breaking into my mind
destroying the joy,
inking the light?
it’s like an all consuming
pit of horror
that grabs me in its arms
and doesn’t ever let go.
this darkness,
this hatred,
this loathing and anger
has an ability of gripping the soul
and squeezing it dry.
it takes the joy
and the love,
and instead leaves
scars,
hardened and dried.
it’s as if it has talons
that bite into my very flesh,
cutting deeper than knives;
leaving the wounds bare
and bleeding,
prone to infection
and lies.
this terror of the night,
of loneliness
and self-hate,
makes me choke in on myself
only to be repulsed
by what’s inside.
building up walls
from the people who
will love,
who will comfort and care;
but I tell them
that I’m really just fine.
it’s okay,
I’m alright,
but when really
I can’t breathe.
it’s like I’m choking
on this darkness,
scared,
alone,
but not willing
to share.
unable to open
to let them hold it,
to let myself cry.
instead, I’ll choke it back,
because if I were
to let it out
I might die.
but as I let it sit,
it becomes deeper
and more real;
this creature of darkness,
this tormentor,
this fiend.
it soon becomes me,
in all its ugly and greed,
and I’m stuck underneath it
unable to breath.
I can’t see the light,
I can’t get it off,
it just sits there and sucks,
draining out my very life.
now I’ve created this
beast,
and the cage that it’s in,
that surrounds me
and presses tight
as if with all its might.
so why try to fight,
why bother getting rid
of it at all?
even though I created
this pit that I’m in,
its unbreakable,
unbeatable;
I think I’m stuck here for life.
‘cause no matter how hard I try,
or how many good days I have,
it always comes back,
always haunts,
always fights,
beating down the joy,
beating down the good,
till it has got me
once more.
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